Ozzy Osbourne "They've said some crazy things about me over the years. I mean, okay: 'He bit the head off a bat.' Yes. 'He bit the head off a dove.' Yes. But then you hear things like, 'Ozzy went to the show last night, but he wouldn't perform until he'd killed fifteen puppies . . .' Now me, kill fifteen puppies? I love puppies. I've got eighteen of the f**king things at home. I've killed a few cows in my time, mind you. And the chickens. I shot the chickens in my house that night.
It haunts me, all this crazy stuff. Every day of my life has been an event. I took lethal combinations of booze and drugs for thirty f**king years. I survived a direct hit by a plane, suicidal overdoses, STDs. I've been accused of attempted murder. Then I almost died while riding over a bump on a quad bike at f**king two miles per hour.
People ask me how come I'm still alive, and I don't know what to say. When I was growing up, if you'd have put me up against a wall with the other kids from my street and asked me which one of us was gonna make it to the age of sixty, which one of us would end up with five kids and four grandkids and houses in Buckinghamshire and Beverly Hills, I wouldn't have put money on me, no f**king way. But here I am: ready to tell my story, in my own words, for the first time.
A lot of it ain't gonna be pretty. I've done some bad things in my time. I've always been drawn to the dark side, me. But I ain't the devil. I'm just John Osbourne: a working-class kid from Aston, who quit his job in the factory and went looking for a good time."
Ozzy Osbourne & Chris Ayres Wondering if science could explain how he survived his 40-year avalanche of drugs and alcohol, Ozzy Osbourne became one of a handful of people in the world to have his entire DNA mapped in 2010. It was a highly complex, $65,000 process, but the results were conclusive: Ozzy is a genetic anomaly. The "Full Ozzy Genome" contained variants that scientists had never before encountered and the findings were presented at the prestigious TEDMED Conference in San Diego - making headlines around the world.
The procedure was in part sponsored by The Sunday Times of London, which had already caused an international furor by appointing Ozzy Osbourne its star health-advice columnist. The newspaper argued that Ozzy's multiple near-death experiences, 40-year history of drug abuse, and extreme hypochondria qualified him more than any other for the job. The column was an overnight hit, being quickly picked up by Rolling Stone to give it a global audience of millions.
In Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy, Ozzy answers reader's questions with his outrageous wit and surprising wisdom, digging deep into his past to tell the memoir-style survival stories never published before - and to offer guidance that no sane human being should follow. Part humor, part memoir, and part bad advice, Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy includes some of the best material from his published columns and answers to celebrities' medical questions.
Frank Skinner Here is completely uncensored, totally live, and absolutely hilarious stand-up from the star of the smash hit TV comedy shows
Fantasy Football and
The Frank Skinner Show. Featuring all the original and exclusive material and filmed at the Birmingham Hippodrome during his groundbreaking 100-date tour, which gained Frank an entry into the Guinness Book of Records for the World's Biggest Solo Comedy Performance at London's Battersea Power Station. Not for the faint hearted; just listen to the critics.
Frank Skinner Over the course of the last 10 years, Frank Skinner has toured sell-out stand-up shows, hosted countless TV shows and an award-winning radio programme, written two well-received volumes of memoir, as well as recording a couple of pop songs and learning to play the ukulele. He has been a busy man. Yet, for the last two years, he has also managed to squeeze in a weekly column for The Times. Without fail, he sat down every week and wracked his brain to think of something to write 900 words about. Dispatches from the Sofa is the brilliant result.
Alighting on such random topics as the potential demise of Margaret Thatcher, the love-hate relationship with your football club, Mike Read’s musical of Oscar Wilde, fat pop stars, Serbian breakfast banter, the pleasures of air-guitar, the banking crisis and the evil phenomenon of Jedward, this is a thought-provoking, wide-reaching, hilarious and self-deprecating collection - which also includes the first two chapters from his unpublished novel - from one of our funniest, quickest and most beloved comedians.
David Baddiel & Frank Skinner Challenging, high risk, and totally unique, this show really is two blokes, one sofa, and no script. Facing a studio audience who shout out topics for discussion, David Baddiel and Frank Skinner simply turn up and chat about any topic that takes their fancy. Anything could happen and usually it does.
There are no subjects off limits, but to make things harder, a topic can only be discussed once. Each show ends with an unplanned musical finale, chosen at random by the audience, with David on the piano and Frank on vocals.
Frank Skinner Frank Skinner was one of the best-selling autobiographies of all time and perhaps the best reviewed. In this new volume of memoirs, Frank Skinner describes his experience of going back on the road and doing stand up again, after many years spent working exclusively on television.
His adventures on the road are by turns funny and moving as he meditates on growing older, the terrors and joys of trying to be funny in front of a live audience, and on the nature of comedy itself. He interweaves stories of his former laddish behavior and also tells a love story about a girl he had a brief fling with years ago who comes back into his life while he is touring. At the age of 50, Frank Skinner asks himself: Is it time to grow up?
Frank Skinner Frank Skinner performs previously unrecorded, uncensored, stand-up comedy material that could never be shown on TV. This performance was filmed at London's Apollo Theatre on September 4th 1994.
Frank Skinner Multi-award-winning comedian Frank Skinner reveals an array of life secrets in a one-off special, from career highs and lows, to relationships with women, alcoholism, and losing his virginity to a prostitute. Based on his critically acclaimed autobiography.
Frank Skinner Frank Skinner made his television debut in 1988. After five minutes of stand-up, which had the studio audience in fits, the station received 131 calls from outraged viewers, including a cabinet minister and the head of a major airline. Frank never looked back. Here he is, live and uncensored, performing the act that won him the 1991 Perrier Award for Comedy.